They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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