you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
