All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
