It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
