i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
