Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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