I didn't shave. On purpose
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
