You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
