High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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