I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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