I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
