Cold hands, warm shart.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize