If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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