youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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