I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
