If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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