So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
