ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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