my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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