She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
