I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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