the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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