Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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