accomplished twins. life is a go
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
