every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
