I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
