Your tits are I can't wait for
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
