just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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