I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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