It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
