just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
