Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
