? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am midnight drunk by noon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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