i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
