I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
