I wish I could teleport
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
