My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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