i just made my gag reflex go away.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
