Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
