i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
