I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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