Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
