Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
