i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
