He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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