remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
