Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
