Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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