I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
