My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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