oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
