Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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