I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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