dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
