And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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