I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
