Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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