Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
