If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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