addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
