I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
