U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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