she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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