Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
