She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
