I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
